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[ website | scarebearjohnny ]
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[24 Mar 2007|10:27pm]
well this is something that i kinda needed to post. mid july i am moving to indiana.
Make me bleed

[16 Mar 2007|10:25pm]
well concidering how dead this livejournal thing seems to be getting, or at least my acount. i am entertaining the idea of dropping my acount all together. i mean its not like anybody really leaves comments usually anyway. and im a myspace person.
Make me bleed

[13 Mar 2007|11:20pm]
[ mood | tired as usual ]

well well, time for another update motha fuckas. still workin', still livin', still partyin', so still good. thought i might try and upload some pics, lets see if it works.

this is me sporting my favorite sweatshirt, and sporting the hardy style facial hair.

this is me flagging my doom crew/black label society colors. bleeding black for life.

this is me and 2 of my best friends at the bar, after 9 months of her not being able to drink, and the proud father next to her.

and this is just complately wicked. its all in the blood.

Make me bleed

HAPPY NEW YEARS MOTHA FUCKAS [06 Jan 2007|12:33am]

had a wicked fucking new years party, got BEYOND trashed and blacked out passed out and the such, but real good times for all. a new age party in the essence of dazed and confused, my all time favorite movie.

2007 is gonna kick ass, its all in the eye and hands of those who make it, and i intend to be one of those people. 2006 kicked some ass, and this year will be as good or better.

Make me bleed

happy holidays all [22 Dec 2006|11:48pm]
well i realize with the darkness i have portrayed in the past and my negative attitude/mood this last 2 years given to certain unfortinate circumstances i am probably the last person some of you would expect this from but it comes from the heart nonetheless.

i hope the season is treating you all well, and i hope the mojority of you are finding joy in simple comforts or not so simple. i know, as i have done myself many times, that alot of you want better jobs, a better g/f or b/f, or just a significant other in general, more money, and all that good jazz. and though i do not disagree for i wouldnt mind having this stuff myself, please in good times and in bad times remember that no matter how much you get down about these things and how much you want them, THINGS CAN ALWAYS GET MUCH WORSE.

i recently over the last month or so have had visions, read things, and had some soul siercing conversations that have changed my outlook on life. i have realized that no matter how much i may want some of these things, in the end it is no more than greed. i have life made for me, may not be the best life out there, but it is what i have made for myself, and i realized i am dam proud of it.

so in the spirit of inspiration and fucking jolliness, please everyone remember these words and have a great holliday season, and dammit continue on afterwards too.

oh and one more thing, but deffinatly not the least important.
honor/ remember/ respect/ and above all show all these things to our troops that are doing everything they can for us all over the world. and just try and think of how they get to spend their lives right now and then just try and be depressed over your great lives.

2 Open wounds| Make me bleed

[20 Nov 2006|01:58am]
[ mood | gettin' there ]

well been sick the last week, got it from work, but thats one of the unfortinate risks that comes with caring for the elderly, ahh well im slightly used to it by now, though this one spun me round for a fuckin' loop let me tell ya. working on redecorating my room, maybe ill post a pic someday if i figure that shit out (not fucking likely) ill probably post it on myspace and just mention it here. well ontop of my truck(which pat and i must discuss, plans might be changing and he might keep it which i am 100% cool with), im still getting my motorcycle, and now maybe a blazer and firebird, a buddy has both and is talking with me about a payment plan to sell me both, which is cool, but if it doesnt work out oh well ya know. ill take shots with him over it and laugh.

one of these days soon, as soon as i get all my borrowed movies back, im taking a acurate recount of them, im gonna give a rough estime on how many dvds i have now, but keep in mind my last count was over a year ago now so i could be way fucking off. im gonna say between 250-300, but i could easily have more, im kinda a dvd nut when i have spare cash, and concidering the lack of g/f and kid, thats thankfully quite often.

might be throwing a party this weekend, not sure though. tomorrow i must get ahold of a friend of mine up north who i havnt seen in a few years now, and see if they are coming down, they are the reason for it, and if not, fuck it i dont need a reason to do some drinking. thats what us washington rednecks do best ya know.

as far as the women subject, well well now, hasnt this one been the confusing rollercoaster ride for me? lol. liking this one, falling for that one, and all the while KNOWING that i was lying to myself about them, trying to force myself to like these people in hopes of not only hooking up with them but also forcing myself out of love with the person i fell for a year and a half ago. i realize by now people probably read this subject from me and think "when will he make up his fucking mind?" right? hell i dont blame ya, ive often asked myself the same question. well the answer is a confusing 2 part answer, part one of course is i made up my mi9nd when i met megan a year and a half ago, part 2 is as long as megan says "no your my best friend and i love you just not like that" which i figure she doesnt mean but im completely cool with it, as long as she says that shit, i will never make up my mind, i will always try to force myself to fall for others in attempt to forget and or pass the time better until she says yes. like i said confusing answer, was i right? as you can probably tell by now, im fucking rambling, but its late and i am tired and typing so deal with it.

bought a brand new 5 disc dvd set of a decade live of garth brooks, and its fucking amazing. also drinking a jack daniels beer right now blackberry jack its called. ive got 4 severed heads in my room and a flying demon above my t.v. with a tombstone on my t.v. work is in teresting, as always.hot ass fucking women constantly running around(my place of work employs 50% hot ass women for some reason) and they all come and talk to me, infact some even come to my parties, we like family. was eating a bag of potato chips the other day and found the most amazing thing, a fucking(brace yourselves this is truly a shocker)potato chip shaped potato chip.AAAAHHHHHH. call ripleys believe it or not, can you believe with a rant like this that i am not drunk? ok im gonna go for the night.

everything's alright, ill just say goodnight, and ill show myself to the door."garth brooks-friends in low places"


2 Open wounds| Make me bleed

random thoughts [12 Nov 2006|12:49am]
are you sure you want to know just who i am?

the theatrics of my lifestyle could seem like a sham

through all life's bullshit i am true to me

though my friends and family have helped set me free

true love shared is something i have not known

though through my failed attempts, self respect is what ive grown

my thoughts of love, death, murder, etc. are always dark

but nowadays my bite is FAR FUCKING WORSE than my bark

are you sure you want to know just who in the hell i am?

do you really think you can make me a better man?

if i enter your world do you think it will change me?

or is diving that far into my head further than you care to see?

i kinda forgot where the fuck i was going with this

so im signing off to take a fucking piss.
Make me bleed

is a new computer in my future tomorrow? [05 Nov 2006|01:23am]
not 100% sure yet, but it looks like may be my last time posting in this lj on this computer, old friend of mine wants to trade me a freshly refurbished desktop for my laptop, and honestly im getting the far better deal here and we both know it. he's doing it more to help me, but he's also gonna refurbish this laptop. so with any luck tomorrow sometime ill post in here and say i got a new computer.
1 Open wound| Make me bleed

[30 Oct 2006|08:54pm]
[ mood | kinda cold, but not bad ]

well saturday night was my brothers halloween party and we had a haunted house this time. they had me be a part of it, i was in a cage in the back dressed as jack the ripper, and had double strobe effect going and some pretty wicked props. it was great and turned out actually descently professional as far as haunted houses go. i scared the shit out of a lot of people, and even made a full grown woman cry when she saw me preform, this made me quite proud.i'd post pics but of course as i prooved recently i have not the technical smarts to do such a task, but my new profile pic on myspace is a close-up of me in costume.we did a run through with my digital camera, but unfortinatly the person who held it was unfamiliar with my camera and acidentally zommed way in, and couldnt undo it, so it didnt catch much.

1 Open wound| Make me bleed

[18 Oct 2006|11:57pm]
[ mood | getting tired ]

dont ya just love it when you know you should shut up about something or its going to go wrong, you feel it with all your soul, but you fucking talk anyway, and guess what, DUM DUM DUM drum roll, it went wrong. that girl im into, aint into me anymore. lol, its interesting, cause after all this time ive learned one thing about this situation and how i need to deal with it. fuck it, dont really care too much, well of course i do, but i aint gonna let this get me down, it wont get me down again. im beyond this in my life. ahh well. we're still friends, pretty good friends actually.
although i do think im ready for that kinda of leap forward again in my life i still have a few dealings in my own head i must contend with. oh well it will happen when it happens, until then fuck it, i havnt cared much since being back in washington, and it isnt going to change, a female companion in my life is a luxary i would like to haveonce more, but it is something i do not need to continue living my life.

do not get me wrong, i still have female friend who i am extremely close to, and would die/kill for, megan, daylin, lenise, sarah, mallory, etc. and there are still those females out there in the world that i do love, as very close friends, yes matheja, terry, kimmerz, i mean you.

oh and can someone please tell me if those pics in the previous post worked at all?

1 Open wound| Make me bleed

[16 Oct 2006|12:02am]

Make me bleed

[28 Sep 2006|01:40am]
[ mood | tired, its late ]

i know it hasnt been all that long since i last posted, concidering how long it usually takes me nowadays, but heres one anyway.

still working at josephine sunset home(adult care facility), though i am actively seeking other employment. still living with my cousin/roommate/close friend pat(isnt going to change anytime soon). though i am no longer depressed or sad even in my life, and it feels good. this last year has been an incredibly rough one with the death of my father, my grandfather, a friend at work, but it has turned out for the best. it has most deffinatly made me stronger, it has made me appreciate my friends and family ALOT more, it has changed my entire outlook on life, shit you may even say its changed some views in my life that i didnt think would ever change. and im not going to completely jump the gun on this in fear of jinxing it, but yes i have actually fallen inlove again, but this time i feel something i dont recall ever feeling before, actual love, its fucking scary and yet i dont care. she is the most amazing girl ive ever met, hardcore redneck/country girl, so kinda perfect for me now. and i always said all my life that i didnt want kids, i didnt want anybody with kids and i ran from it, she told me she had a kid, and the first words out of my mouth were "right on", and i held her daughter, which was very cool. if anything happens between us it will be a bit of a wait, due to issues she is dealing with in her personal life, but fuck ive been dealing with single life for 3 years now, for her, ill wait twice that.

anyway, onto other shit, pat and i are talking about buying property in the area, and im also looking into buying my own property up north of fairbanks, alaska, good deal on it. got my truck, still getting my motorcycle, complications arose with it, but its still mine.

anyone out there who knows who black label society is, knows zakk wylde started the band from his biker gang, doom crew. well i have been granted official permission to start my local chapter of doom crew, and i have a loyal crew of friends with me, though i am convincing a close friend in it to take the roll of presidenct of the crew, he has over 10 years experiance in the biker world, and i have only 3-5 years from my dad riding with me years ago, he's much more qualified than me.

so there you have it, and no i dont expect things to go exactly the way i have stated them here, one thing i have learned in my time is to aim high, and expect to miss your target by miles. so no serious disapointment will keep me down anymore. might bring me down, but never keep me down.

until next time
keep on truckin'

Make me bleed

[30 Jul 2006|11:05pm]
[ mood | tired ]

well tuesday i get to start my 5 day vacation and since im flat fucking broke, i get to sit home watch movies, play vids, and drink beer. saturday is the big day of the fair, and hopefully colby and sarah will be here for it. kinda gets to me that on my vacation of all things i can afford to do absolutely nothing, unlike everyone else i know who are going to fucking hawaii and new mexico and shit. but i also start paying off my motorcycle next month(august) and get my lisence. then september i pay my truck off.

Make me bleed

[13 Sep 2005|11:37am]
oh yeah for got to put this down, ha ha bitches, nine inch nails in about 10 days.
Make me bleed

[17 Jan 2005|09:14pm]
[ mood | in thought ]

today was slightly wierd to say the least. woke up this mourning thinking about the past, and things that have happened in the last 3 years, if i could have done something different, could ii have saved certain things. then i got to thinking about the one question above all others regarding that, do i really care? ya know in some aspects i do and wish some thing would have turned out different, and where would i be now if they had gone differently? in other aspects i really could care less, i am slightly enjoying where i am now, though if i could i would change certain things about it, but i can't so who cares anyway? and than there are certain thing in my past that i always slightly wish somewhere deep inside of me i could go back and change, and theres a large part of me that is happy they turned out the way they did.
those of you who have been there for me, or even followed these things know exactly what/who i am talking about, but as far as i am concerned now that part of my life is dead, and she will never rise from the ashes in my life again.

as far as going back to tucson goes, i cannot say if it will happen or not, but as far as things are right now, its not happening, and yes that is by choice. i may return there someday to reclaim a life that is behind me now, and friends that i dearly miss, but that is not where i need to be in life right now, this is and that is a desicion ill stick to.

Make me bleed

[09 May 2004|07:32pm]
a quick update, things aren't going too badly, they could be going much worse, but also much better, as like everytime and thing in life ya know. i'm writing 2-3 different books right now, along with a horror script, and i have been doing good at my job and impressing my boss. although i either need more hours or a second job, but in due time. im going to denny's tonight as like the past 2 nights to work on my books and script, as always i will not tell when they will be done for as with any artist who the fuck knows, right? i've started sticking to myself around home now, due to personal reasons, and am rather tense right now but that could be due to the fact that i have gone close to 24 hours without any nicotiene, and yes it is on purpous. i have enough tobacco for 4-5 ciggs, but im keeping it on me for tempting reasons, if i can carry it and resist the temptation, i am stronger for it. but must go now, everyone else is leaving. it's looking like it'll be around another months before i can start looking for laptop parts, sweet not much longer, glass is half full right?
Make me bleed

[29 Apr 2004|10:04pm]
and oh yeah almost forgot, i chopped my hair a few days back, now instead of having long hair ontop and short hair under, it's all one length except the bangs which are a bit longer. now im growing it out evenly.it's about 5 inches long, maybe 4.
Make me bleed

[29 Apr 2004|08:46pm]
well it's looking now after a few emails from mateya that i will be going to slovenia next summer for her wedding. i am very excited about this, she means the world to me, one of my absolute best friends. this will be an honor.
Make me bleed

[21 Apr 2004|03:03pm]
yes i have deleted my last 2 posts, for i do not see any reason they should stay up, and i didn't like the result anyway. i am making attempts at bettering a few things in my life, i am not trying to get jade back, for i do not believe either of us want/need it now, but i am attempting to better things between us for a hopefull friendship. i do not like making enemies, i do not see a point in it, and i also see enemies as rather childish. and plus as anyone who actually knows me can vouch for, i have no problem admitting when i am wrong, seeing how as i usually am with things, i have grown quite used to it. though i do appreciate it when others can admit it too, for it does take 2 to create any sort of problem, but that is neither here nor there. back to trying to fix things, other things in my life.

jade, if you wish to call me tonight i would appreciate it, or i may just call you, i would like to at least remain friends with you, and appologize for things to you, and not your lj acount.
1 Open wound| Make me bleed

[14 Apr 2004|02:10pm]
i know i've said this many times now, but here it is once again, jackie and i have worked things out to the point where we can stand eachother, and will probably remain friends, we ave worked past our differences. anybody who has ever truly known me, knows i do not like holding a grudge for very long, except to backstabbers(that person knows who they are). more than likely have a date friday with jade, if she accepts the time it must be at for our plans to go through. but loosing the net in a few hours, so i will be checking this and updating every now and than but not every day.
Make me bleed

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